Classes

     Classes start tomorrow. I'm not quite ready for break to be over. Because if break is over Cliff is really gone... And there's no chance of him being here until who knows when. I realize that he's been gone since the third, when I dropped him off at the airport... But Christmas break was so closely interlinked with Cliff being home that it hasn't been real until now. Its been like I could turn a corner and he would be standing there, waiting for me. Wondering why I hadn't turned that corner yet. He felt just out of sight. Just out of reach. Now he feels gone. I bought a heating pad to take to bed tonight. The finality of that is hard to overlook. I miss him. More than last time. More and less. I miss his presence more. I miss his smile, his laugh, the way he felt next to me. But I'm not fearful that our goodbye was our last kiss or our lass hug. I'm not afraid that the distance will break us. I just don't want to be apart from him. I don't want to feel like I'm walking around missing half of me because he's gone. I haven't even heard from him. I'm hoping for a letter tomorrow. 

Gone Again

So Cliff is gone again. He left yesterday, my 22nd birthday. Happy birthday to me. As much as that sucks I have absolutely amazing family and friends who really have been instrumental in helping me with this. I came to my aunt Stacey's house from the airport yesterday. She make me chocolate chip pancakes and took me out to dinner and even got me a gift!!! I got a gorgeous purse, a really funny cup, a hilarious book, and fridge magnets! How is that not awesome? And I kept getting calls from family wishing me a happy birthday. So while the beginning of my birthday was really crappy it turned out really well.

Oh! As for Cliff leaving, it has been so much easier and worse this time. Last time he left we were in a really bad place relationship wise and I didn't know if we would make it through the separation. This time we are so much stronger and more secure in our relationship that I'm not at all worried about the separation. But I miss him so much more this time. It's crazy. I'm crazy. I guess we're both crazy to be going through this. Maybe crazy works for us. Either way I'm so happy with him and I cannot wait to see him again. I really should have blogged while he was home. He did amazing things for my birthday and for Christmas!!! I'll have to catch everyone up on them. Next post. I promise!