As most of you know Cliff will be coming home on Monday. I'm nervous. I'm scared shitless actually. I'm painting my toenails because its pretty much the only thing about me that looks girly. I bite my fingernails far too badly to try and paint them. I'm chubby, my hair has gotten a little long and my roots have started to grow out. I haven't had time to work out so I haven't lost any weight since he left. I wanted to do so many things while he was gone. I wanted to impress him with how I looked when he got back.
Well, it looks like he'll be sadly disappointed with my progress. Or... I am sadly disappointed with my progress. He has never once said anything about me other than the fact that he thinks I'm gorgeous and he has troubles keeping his hands off me. So maybe I am being silly. Maybe I am being more than silly. I don't know! I just don't know anymore... I'm all sorts of worried that he's going to see me waiting in the airport and finally see all of the flaws that I see in myself and go "So.. I'm going to spend the Holidays at X instead of with you. It was fun, but I'm definitely over this." I'm pretty positive I would just kinda burst into tears then and not stop for hours.....
I've been cleaning the house all day, it looks pretty fantastic. Well, the front of it does. I still need to tackle my bedroom and the bathroom. Other than that, I've picked up and neatened things. Put things away. Organizing goes a long way considering I haven't been home to do more than eat and sleep in the past... two months. So other than scrubbing the bathroom and vacuuming my room the house is done. Which would be nicer, but now I have two more days to fill with things... And I can only waste so much time. I mean, I could study for finals, and I will be doing some of that tomorrow, but I feel like I'm going to go crazy before Monday night.
Seriously though, I'm going to be standing in the airport like an eager puppy and he's going to blow right past me. I just know it. I'm freaking out.
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